i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
