it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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