he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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