Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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