ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
