You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
