i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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