You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
