I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize