$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
