actually, I'm a sock model
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
