Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
