Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
