It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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