I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize