When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
