Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
