Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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