I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
