A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
