Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
