How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
