YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So vagazzling was a success
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
