I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
