when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
