Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Let's paint friendship bongs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
