I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
