i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize