I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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