covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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