Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
