he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
