My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
