I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
