Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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