i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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