New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
