Are we in a gay sports bar?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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