In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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