Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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