so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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