So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
