Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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