There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
