Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize