i think my tv is drunk
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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