i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
