Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize