So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
