my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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