The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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