they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
