exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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