i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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