Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
