How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
