Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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