i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
