i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
