PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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