i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want to be your penis for a week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
