There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
