Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize