just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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