Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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