Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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