i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
