I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
