This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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