Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i now understand why vodka
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
