i can't believe i had my finger in that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
