Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize