It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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