It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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