This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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