I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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