the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
