we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize