im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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