ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
