bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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