So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sober January is a disaster.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
