rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
