So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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