i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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