youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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