That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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