so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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