Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize