I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
